It’s inevitable.
Everyone has at a point of time in their lives been through this or has been the one to do this.
You could be the one who was/is cheating or the one who was/is cheated upon. The first time I caught my other half cheating was during the early stages in our relationship. He was always a Casanova and yeah, I expected it. Don’t ask me why I was with this type of person, somewhat digging my own grave since I knew he was a flirt.
As stupid as it sounds, I was in love. And that’s what you do in love. You hold on, you forgive them, you try to bury your feelings and move on like nothing happened, like you were the happy couple you always are.
So I forgave him. And it happened again. And I forgave him again. I use to smirk at the saying, ” Once a cheater, always a cheater”. At this point of time in my life, I still trusted him with all of my heart because this is what love is isn’t it?
I remember getting the news that the doctor confirmed my father having cancer. I was in class that day and I left immediately turning to the only one. I held on to him that day, crying my eyes out, clutching on to him for strength as I felt mine slipping away. He was my pillar of strength too at that point of time, till I found out he was cheating on me again.
This time, when it came to my father or him, I chose my father. That fateful day still etched onto my mind, he was sleeping across me peacefully on the sofa while I heard and read and saw every conversation, every intimate conversation they had. Never in our relationship had he ever spoken to me in that tender voice he spoke to her and that killed me.
That was the day I walked out on us, on love. It has been two years since the separation but till now, even while I write this, I still have tears in my eyes.
So this is what nobody tells you about being cheated on. That your heart can actually feel the pain, that your mind that is always working can actually stop functioning. You will walk, passing by everything and everyone on the street, passing by your favorite shop, you will walk blankly, your eyes seeing everything but not registering anything. You will go home, sit down on your bed and just stare. You will stare, a haunting look, that if you saw yourself in the mirror that day, you will not be able to forget it till today.
Because that look says everything, yet nothing. Maybe you will cry that day, for me, I cried 2 years later. 2 years later, the tears came down, 2 years later, I felt the pain I had been hiding, 2 years later, my mask fell off. Nobody can heal you through this period. Only you can.
That sounds so easy. Only I can heal myself. But nobody tells you how long you’ll take before you can heal yourself, no one tells you how long you’ll take, no one tells you that their memories can come and go in flashes and when it does, no matter how far you’ve come in to healing, you’ll go back to those dark places again.
But this is what I’ll tell you. You need to be cheated on because you do not know how strong you are. You do not know the type of love you deserve. You may be smirking now, reading this, thinking that’s its been forever and you have not healed but even forever does not last and so will your broken heart.
If you are the one cheating now, just know that this is not permanent. And you will lose the one who loves you true with all their heart. Don’t regret it then and don’t take anybody for granted. In true self, you are only cheating yourself.
I found out that the only way to heal completely is to not hate. I used to hate on this person so much that I found myself being more depressed. As absurd as it sounds, thank them for teaching you about yourself during this difficult period in your life. You realize that you can actually live without the person whom you thought once you couldn’t. So go love everyone and if you have been cheated upon, just take your time to heal. You will get there one day. I promise
mattersoftheheart 